After the 2020 Super Bowl halftime show that could have also been a late-night Cinemax special, I got curious about when the halftime show really went off the rails. I had distant recollections of a time when the Super Bowl show was a family-friendly event full of happiness and goodwill. Luckily, YouTube has records of them all. I started in 1985 because I don’t believe that prior to that, the FCC would have allowed any nonsense on television. Back then, we were still watching sitcoms with married people in twin beds.
Sure enough, the 1985 show was obviously geared toward children, featuring many children on the field and giant pirate ships, pianos, a circus and much more — with local performers no one ever heard of and everyone was properly dressed. I showed this to my daughter, who had the misfortune of seeing JLo’s crotch up close, and she watched the whole thing saying over and over again, “Why don’t they do THIS?” She loved it, like all of us did in 1985. There was a nod to NASA and everything. What’s not to love? And there isn’t a stripper pole in sight.