The Morning Briefing: Stormy Weather—Merchan No Longer Biggest Sleazebag in His Courtroom

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Jonrulbo was still trying to bounce back from the social shame of not having thought through his “Trampoline and Kilts” party. 

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Far too often these days, I find myself telling friends that I liked things a lot better when I was the weird one. I haven’t changed, it’s the world that’s gone kind of Fruit Loops. It’s like 2020 made society go completely off its meds. 

Frequent readers here also know that I am not exactly the ascot-wearing fancy man sipping sherry in the corner whilst reacting in horror to the doings of the riff-raff. I mostly just hang around in t-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops, dreaming about being a beer blogger.

However, because the world has gone crazy, I found myself thinking of the word “tawdry” when catching up on the latest from the Judge Juan Merchan kangaroo court railroading of former President Donald Trump. 

I can assure you that tawdry isn’t a regular part of my vocabulary. In fact, I don’t think it’s ever even popped into my head unless I’ve just read it somewhere. These perverters of justice who are going after Trump are some major league scumbags, though. 

Merchan’s courtroom has been steeped in sleaze since this whole — say it with me — tawdry affair began. His blatant abuse of the law and disregard for the United States Constitution in the pursuit of rigging the presidential election have quite an ick factor for anyone who still believes in the rule of law. 

Prosecutors in this sham trial decided that there were more depths to be plumbed in this charade, so they called America’s most annoying adult entertainment has-been to the stand. Victoria did an absolutely glorious takedown of the ridiculousness for us yesterday, kicking it off with this:

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Because the Trump trial is a political operation and not really a trial, prosecutors put on the stand Stormy Daniels, the professional adult movie copulator, who treated the courtroom like one of her movie sets. And it got worse from there. By the time the oratorical dust settled, Donald Trump’s defense asked and was denied a mistrial in this bookkeeping case. 

So outrageous was some of her testimony that at one point the judge had prosecutors try to rein in Daniels, who came prepared with jokes, stories, and other tropes to win over jurors.  She was so bad that even CNN and MSNBC noted it.

We have officially entered the prosecution’s “throw everything against the wall and hope something sticks” portion of the trial, ladies and gentlemen. We knew we were headed here, of course. I’m no legal expert, but I’m almost certain that a forensic accounting trial didn’t need some bad performance art by a middle-aged adult film star, replete with salacious sexual details. 

We’re one donkey away from this trial being moved to Tijuana. 

Judge Merchan eventually decided that Daniels’ naked tryst stories didn’t fit in well with the kind of jurisprudential abuse he’s pursuing:

At one point Judge Juan Merchan told prosecutors that “The degree of detail you are going into here is just unnecessary.” He said he’d come back Thursday and decide whether he’ll give jurors an instruction to forget what they just heard. 

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That seems like a decision that one wouldn’t need to sleep on to make. 

Nothing about this case has ever made any sense. That it all hinges on the resurrection of the reputation of the thoroughly discredited Ms. Daniels is all the evidence any sane person needs to see that Alvin Bragg got way out over his skis with this one. 

As many have noted, however, the cherry picked jury may still find Trump guilty even though there is no crime to be guilty of. 

Hey, at least they got to hear some dirty stories. 

Man, I miss being the tawdry one. 

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