‘When Does The Stoning Begin?’: Colbert Bizarrely Attacks Johnson’s Faith

News & Politics

Speaker Mike Johnson traveled to New York on Tuesday to support Donald Trump at his trial, which led CBS’s Stephen Colbert to accuse him of hypocrisy and launch a bizarre attack on his faith on The Late Show.

Colbert began by putting up a photo of a chagrin-looking Johnson, “Trump got some moral support today from Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, seen here after accidentally thinking about the word ‘nipple.’”

Amidst the guffaws from the liberal audience, Colbert added, “Just the word, not even the image, just the word ‘nipple.’ It’s too titillating and don’t get him started on the word titillating.”

Finally getting to his substantive point, Colbert continued by portraying the 52-year old Johnson as some sex-confused weirdo, “Johnson is a hyper-conservative Biblical literalist, but today, he took a day off from performative holiness to attend Trump’s hush money trial. Now, I’m no fan of Johnson, but no one should be subjected to 30 years of sex education in one day.”

Colbert also played a video of Johnson declaring, “I’m an attorney. I’m a former litigator myself. I am disgusted by what is happening here.”

Afterwards, Colbert returned to add, ‘“I’ve heard things today that disgust me! Woman layeth with man outside holy wedlock? When does the stoning begin? I brought my lucky rock.’”

Colbert is trying to paint Johnson as a hypocrite for citing the Bible as the basis for his political beliefs while supporting a candidate who allegedly paid hush money to cover up an affair with a porn actress, but that is not what Trump is on trial for and Colbert knows it. Besides, as a supposedly devout Catholic himself, Colbert also surely knows one can be a “hyper-conservative Biblical literalist” and opposed to stoning, but admitting these truths would ruin the joke, such as it is.

Here is a transcript for the May 14 show:

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

5/14/2024

11:42 PM ET

STEPHEN COLBERT: Trump got some moral support today from Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, seen here after accidentally thinking about the word “nipple.” 

Just the word, not even the image, just the word “nipple.” It’s too titillating and don’t get him started on the word titillating. Johnson is a hyper-conservative Biblical literalist, but today, he took a day off from performative holiness to attend Trump’s hush money trial. Now, I’m no fan of Johnson, but no one should be subjected to 30 years of sex education in one day. 

That’s like taking an Amish kid to Epcot. ”Goodness, English. Mexico is beside France is beside space?” 

Now, outside the courtroom, Johnson made it clear what he won’t stand for this charade.

MIKE JOHNSON: I’m an attorney. I’m a former litigator myself. I am disgusted by what is happening here.

COLBERT: “I’ve heard things today that disgust me! Woman layeth with man outside holy wedlock? When does the stoning begin? I brought my lucky rock.” 

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