CBS’s Stephen Colbert and Comedy Central’s Michael Kosta and Troy Iwata continued the left-wing efforts to smear Justice Samuel Alito as some sort of insurrectionist or theocrat on their respective Thursday installments of The Late Show and The Daily Show for flying a Revolution-era Appeal to Heaven flag at his home.
Colbert was especially bad because, while he admitted the flag’s original purpose had nothing to do with January 6, he just doesn’t care, “The Appeal to Heaven flag is not a new flag. It was first carried during the American Revolution, but it’s more recently been co-opted by Christian nationalists, specifically championed by a right-wing Christian author named Dutch Sheets.”
After some jokes about Sheets’s name, Colbert got back on track and threw Speaker Mike Johnson into the conversation as well, “Mr. Sheets made it his mission to promote this flag among right-wing nutjobulists, and it’s working because Speaker Johnson has also hung the flag outside his office. When asked about it, Johnson said, ‘It’s George Washington’s flag… It has nothing to do with stop the steal.’”
Colbert was not happy, “Yes, it does! When a nearly forgotten symbol is brought back and widely co-opted, you don’t get to use it in the old way. If a guy named Brandon says, ‘Actually, this swastika above my bed is referring to the ancient sanskrit symbol for good luck,’ he’s a Nazi, Cheryl!”
Despite his loathing of the January 6 rioters and the Stop the Steal movement, Colbert sure is willing to give them a lot of power to redefine Revolution-era symbols. Furthermore, mature people can differentiate between actual Nazis and people from South Asia using the swastika in its traditional context, just like mature people can differentiate between Revolutionary War and Founding-era history buffs and Stop the Steal followers.
Circling back to Alito, Colbert added, “Sam Alito keeps saying that everyone on the Supreme Court is completely unbiased and non-political! I mean, there’s nothing wrong if Aaron Judge wears a Yankees jersey, but it’s different if the umpire does it! Balls and strikes, right? Balls and strikes.”
Over at Comedy Central, Kosta huffed, “Look, I’m not an expert, but I always thought a judge was supposed to be impartial and neutral and I’m not naive, I know he’s not, but can he at least respect us enough to pretend to be? It’s not like he’s a judge on American Idol. He’s a Supreme Court judge. But he’s stunting on us like a soccer player popping his jersey after a goal. ‘I killed Roe v. Wade, bitches! I killed Roe v. Wade, bitches!’”
Kosta also introduced Iwata who pretended to be reporting outside Alito’s home. Part way through the bit, the flag behind Iwata changed, leading him to report, “Oh, okay, so it’s a big blue wave? I’m guessing that means Alito likes surfing? Or maybe they’re fans of that Japanese wave painting that white people put in their first apartment. I’m going to look it up. Okay, so the wave is Noah’s flood washing away the Sodomites, and drowning them in an ocean of tears.”
Iwata claimed that Alito could clear up any confusion over his flags’ meanings by putting up flags that have clear messages, such as “a flag like Saudi Arabia. I can’t read Arabic, but I know what a sword is. Like, message received! Maybe Samuel Alito should hire Saudi Arabia’s flag guy.”
It’s not really the sword that brought Iwata to the Saudi flag, it’s the fact that Saudi Arabia is a model society for the left’s straw man version of Alito. If it was literally about weapons, why didn’t Iwata choose Mozambique for having an AK-47 on its flag?
The flag behind Iwata then changed again in case viewers were still confused over whether The Daily Show thinks Alito is a theocrat or simply a George Washington fan, “Okay… It’s a Bible… Holding a gun? Oh, my god. I love it! See, I get that! Straight to the point! I am pissing my pants in fear, but I know why! Yes! Thank you, Justice Alito!”
Just because the left is unfamiliar with Founding-era flags doesn’t mean other people are and waving their flags doesn’t make them a theocrat, an insurrectionist, or a Nazi.
Here are transcripts for the May 23 shows:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
5/23/2024
11:39 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: The Appeal to Heaven flag is not a new flag. It was first carried during the American Revolution, but it’s more recently been co-opted by Christian nationalists, specifically championed by a right-wing Christian author named Dutch Sheets. Dutch Sheets, of course, named after someone who’s been hit in the head with a brick trying to remember the name of IKEA. ”We gotta go to the place, uh, the Dutch one with the sheets. After that, I think we should go to the hospital.”
We liked the name Dutch Sheets so much that we have another joke we want to do. Dutch Sheets, of course, also what it’s called when you fart over the covers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Peabody, please.
Mr. Sheets made it his mission to promote this flag among right-wing nutjobulists, and it’s working because Speaker Johnson has also hung the flag outside his office. When asked about it, Johnson said, ”It’s George Washington’s flag… It has nothing to do with stop the steal.”
Yes, it does! When a nearly forgotten symbol is brought back and widely co-opted, you don’t get to use it in the old way. If a guy named Brandon says, “Actually, this swastika above my bed is referring to the ancient sanskrit symbol for good luck,” he’s a Nazi, Cheryl! Get out of there! I don’t care if his haircut is crisp. You know, the crisp haircut. Besides, Mike Johnson is a political figure. It’s one thing if he wants to fly the team flag.
Sam Alito keeps saying that everyone on the Supreme Court is completely unbiased and non-political! I mean, there’s nothing wrong if Aaron Judge wears a Yankees jersey, but it’s different if the umpire does it! Balls and strikes, right? Balls and strikes.
***
Comedy Central The Daily Show
5/23/2024
11:09 PM ET
MICHAEL KOSTA: Look, I’m not an expert, but I always thought a judge was supposed to be impartial and neutral and I’m not naive, I know he’s not, but can he at least respect us enough to pretend to be? It’s not like he’s a judge on American Idol. He’s a Supreme Court judge. But he’s stunting on us like a soccer player popping his jersey after a goal. ”I killed Roe v. Wade, bitches! I killed Roe v. Wade, bitches!”
But if you’re upset about this, the good news is, the Supreme Court has a code of ethics. Now, the bad news is, they wrote that code of ethics, and they don’t follow it. So, I guess there is no good news, and the bad news is even worse. For more on the flag controversy with Justice Alito, we turn to Troy Iwata!
Troy! Troy, you’re outside Justice Alito’s house at the Jersey shore right now. What’s the mood down there?
TROY IWATA: It’s awful, Michael. It’s the Jersey shore. Stop sending me here! It’s like if Florida wore too much cologne.
KOSTA: Okay, but what can you tell us about the flags at Alito’s house? They’re very provocative!
IWATA: Well, it’s worse than that, Michael. These flags are very confusing! I don’t know what any of these weird right-wing symbols mean. One is upside down. This one has a clip-art pine tree on it. I don’t get the message! The first time I saw that Blue Lives Matter flag, I thought the Smurfs finally got citizenship.
KOSTA: Well, right-wing nationalists use this pine tree flag to symbolize how God gave them the divine right to violently overthrow the government.
IWATA: Then [bleep] say that! Write “This is a reference to whatever shit Michael just said” on the flag. Because right now, this is just an ugly flag with a Christmas cookie on it.
KOSTA: I think the bigger question is what Justice Alito thought the flag meant.
IWATA: I’m going to stop you there, Michael, because he just put up a new flag. Oh, okay, so it’s a big blue wave? I’m guessing that means Alito likes surfing? Or maybe they’re fans of that Japanese wave painting that white people put in their first apartment. I’m going to look it up. Okay, so the wave is Noah’s flood washing away the Sodomites, and drowning them in an ocean of tears.
KOSTA: Troy, that’s terrible. That’s a terrible flag.
IWATA: I know. I did not get any of that from the fun wave flag. If you’re going to be hateful, stop being so subtle! Add a tiny gay person drowning under the wave. Or something! You know what flag works? That Don’t Tread on Me flag with the angry snake. I get that. I know where not to tread. Or the punisher skull? When someone is wearing that on their shirt, I know that they’re saying, “I’m divorced,” you know? Or you can have a flag like Saudi Arabia. I can’t read Arabic, but I know what a sword is. Like, message received! Maybe Samuel Alito should hire Saudi Arabia’s flag guy.
KOSTA: Okay, Troy, hold up, there appears to be a new flag up behind you.
IWATA: Okay… It’s a Bible… Holding a gun? Oh, my god. I love it! See, I get that! Straight to the point! I am pissing my pants in fear, but I know why! Yes! Thank you, Justice Alito! God, it must be nice to own a home.