The Jerusalem Post has a depressing story about an Israeli couple who may be divorcing because one of them doesn’t want to be vaccinated.
What complicates this story is that the husband has been unemployed for months and he’s been living off his wife’s salary. He doesn’t appear to be fervently seeking a new job to allow his wife time to find another job. Instead, he’s going to blow up a 25-year marriage because his wife wants her bodily autonomy respected.
I wonder what kind of “reason that makes sense” this man would accept. Is it not enough to simply say “I don’t want a needle forced in my arm”?
Allow me to play marriage therapist for a minute. I live in a similar situation as these two. Mr. Fox got vaccinated back in the spring for his own reasons. I have not and I will not allow anyone to force me, under threat of firing or anything else, to violate my authority over my own body and medical decisions. For one, I have natural immunity and for two, the second anyone tries to make me do something I don’t want to do it. I don’t care what it is.
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Mr. Fox respects me as an individual person to make those decisions for myself. It’s not his call, just like it’s not my call if he wants to get the jab. Admittedly, neither of us is out of a job and if either of us were it might make us choose differently in order to provide for our family. I will say that refusing to get vaccinated when feeding your kids depends on it seems outrageous to me, but I would step in front of a bus for my kids. I think I could survive a vaccination, though I vehemently object to the use of force through coercion and intimidation. But at some point, you have to do what you have to do. You won’t get any judgment from me if your financial fears overcome your bodily autonomy concerns. These are scary times.
However, the mister in this story is out of work and doesn’t appear to be looking too hard, having reported that he “hasn’t been called back to work as a chef.” Is there something stopping him from seeking employment somewhere else while he supports his wife in a quest for new employment? It is the responsibility of every parent to actively seek employment when needed and not sit back and let the other spouse do all the work and carry all the stress. Marriage is supposed to be a team sport. These two are a mess.
“Let my wife do whatever she wants, as long as she leaves the children alone,” said the husband. “They get brainwashed from morning to night. We eat apart, we sleep apart – the house has fallen apart. I’m just trying to find work and save my family, but in my line of work, it’s difficult.”
The lawyer said that the two will need to get divorced, but that it seems that the issues have been present long before the current conflict. She thinks the marriage will end in the next few weeks.
And that’s the real issue. Vaccination is not the cause of this failed marriage but the last stressor in a mountain of others that finally broke it. Shame on media companies for trying to instill more fear and push more forced vaccines by claiming that your marriage could be in trouble over it. If vaccination destroys your marriage, it was over before that happened.
Instead of allowing the media to whip up marital trouble, try doing more things together that don’t include media, news stories, or COVID-panic fear porn. Mr. Fox and I don’t agree on everything either, but we don’t dwell on the areas of disagreement. We bond over the things we love like our children, local breweries, kayaking, nature walks, live music, and great food.
If the stress of the world is taking a toll on your marriage, take my advice: Put the phone down and take your honey out for a walk. Twenty-five years is way too much of an investment to throw away for frivolous reasons. Not having money is not a reason not to spend time together either, I found that after years of taking care of little kids, my husband and I had gone months without making eye contact for any prolonged period of time. It’s weird how that can happen. But spend some time just looking at one another and giving each other your total attention.
There’s a good article on FrugalConfessions.com about things you can do with your spouse to reconnect on a budget. One is to figure something out together. Even if it’s putting an Ikea table together or figuring out how to help each other look for a job, it will give you an opportunity to solve a problem and feel good about each other. They also discovered my eye contact trick!
Soul gazing – a fancy-schmancy way of saying, “take 4 minutes or so and do nothing but stare into each other’s eyes” — soul gazing is actually quite effective in reconnecting or connecting two people.
I mean, when was the last time you stared into your partner’s eyes?
Example from our own marriage: This was awkward at first for us to do, and we giggled a lot. But then…something magical happened. Aside from really nailing down my husband’s eye color, I really started to feel connected with him. It was pretty great.
It sounds hokey, but I bet you spent a lot of time soul-gazing when you were dating. Try it before you knock it. Your spouse’s eyes are like rare jewels. Admire them for a while. Read the whole article if you’re finding that the stress of the day is wearing on your marriage and take some easy steps to right the ship. You’ve worked too hard to throw it away because the media told you to.