During a rare Friday edition of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the eponymous ABC host celebrated former President Donald Trump’s birthday by announcing that he donated to Planned Parenthood in Trump’s name and recalling his top 78 nicknames for Trump, which led him to admit, “Maybe we do have Trump Derangement Syndrome.”
After mocking a Donald Trump Jr. email that urged people to sign their name to a virtual birthday card, Kimmell reported, “But I did want to do something – I made a donation to Planned Parenthood in Trump’s name instead to celebrate.”
Moving on to Trump’s recent meeting with Republicans, Kimmell let the insults fly: “He got a skin-crawlingly fawning reception from some of the most embarrassing ass-kissiest parasites ever to slither the Planet Earth. Look at all these spineless senators lined up to kiss the onion ring. Now, watch Ted Cruz here. ‘Is he going to say hi to me? Will he? Yes, yes, yes, I’m included! He touched my slime! Clap, everybody, keep clapping, he sees us!’”
The insult hurling was just getting started as Kimmel acknowledged, “You know, I have to admit Donald Trump has given a lot to our show. And I wanted to do something special for him because I know he watches from time to time. Over the last—it seems like I don’t know—28 years since he got into politics, we’ve come up with a lot of nicknames for Donald Trump. And so, in honor of his birther-day, we combed through the archives to bring you our top 78 Donald Trump nicknames of all-time.”
Examples that Kimmel picked from included Nostra-Dumbass, Rip One Van Winkle, Mayor McCutTheCheese, Unhappy Gilmore, Yabba Dabba Doofus, Hair Mussolini, Off-Whitey Bulger, Butch Casserole, Dictator Tot, Yelvis, and Jabba The Pizza Hut.
Kimmel wrapped up by conceding, “Maybe we do have Trump Derangement Syndrome.”
Maybe? More like definitely.
Here is a transcript for the June 14 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
6/14/2024
11:42 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: But I did want to do something – I made a donation to Planned Parenthood in Trump’s name instead to celebrate. He’s got enough stuff.
Trump was on Capitol Hill yesterday – he got a skin-crawlingly fawning reception from some of the most embarrassing ass-kissiest parasites ever to slither the Planet Earth. Look at all these spineless senators lined up to kiss the onion ring. Now, watch Ted Cruz here. ”Is he going to say hi to me? Will he? Yes, yes, yes, I’m included! He touched my slime! Clap, everybody, keep clapping, he sees us!”
As for Trump, look at his hair, too. He’s really doing something crazy with that. Trump had a low-key birthday celebration. He reportedly spent the night at home, quietly spanking himself with a magazine. You know, I have to admit Donald Trump has given a lot to our show. And I wanted to do something special for him because I know he watches from time to time. Over the last —it seems like I don’t know—28 years since he got into politics, we’ve come up with a lot of nicknames for Donald Trump. And so, in honor of his birther-day, we combed through the archives to bring you our top 78 Donald Trump nicknames of all-time. Are you– can I get some music. Oh, very good, all right, and here we go.
Don Whoreleone, Napoleon Bone-Aspur, R. Smelly, Fiberace, Commander-In-Thief, Nostra-Dumbass, El Pork-Choppo, MAGA Theresa, All Caps-Tain Kangaroo, Rip One Van Winkle, Count Flatula, Founding Farter, Farty-Five, Teddy Dozevelt, Gaseous Clay, Dopey McGropey, Lepre-Con Man, Al Ca-Porn, Julius Squeezer, The Shart of the Deal, His Flatulency, Mayor McCutTheCheese, Groper Cleveland, Sleepy Don-Zales, Nelson Tandela, Burger Jean King, Donny Nappleseed, Liger Woods, Unhappy Gilmore, Greedy McGolfy, Yabba Dabba Doofus, His MAGA-Sty, Genghis Don, Donnie D Cups, Donye West, Donald Duck the Draft, Kim Don Un, The Notorious P.I.G, Hair Mussolini, Con-Mander-In-Chief, Phony Soprano, Fattyshack, The Ayatollah Complaini, Presidementia, Stable McGenius, The Tanchurian Candidate, Orange Baby Jesus, Refrigerator Perry Mason, Off-Whitey Bulger, Tannibal Lector, The Not-So-Great Pumpkin, Carrot Bottom, Scammy Davis Jr., Rich Little Hands, Donnie Cochran, The MAGA-Lorian, Vladimir Gluten, HippoPOTUS, Darth Tax Evader, Our Fondling Father, Maroon 45, The Legend of Bragger Vance, Mar-a-Cloggo, The Tan of La Mancha, Butch Casserole, Trumplestiltskin, MAGATHA Christie—
Where are we? How many more are?
Grab-Ass Grandpa, Orange Julius Caesar, Hungry Hungry Hypocrite, Dictator Tot, Quid Pro Combover, The Lock-Her-Up-Ness Monster, General Lie-Senhower, Alexander Scamilton, Yelvis, Jabba The Pizzza Hut, and Pumpkin McPornhumper.
Happy birthday, Mr. Former President. Maybe we do have Trump Derangement Syndrome.