Kruiser’s (Almost) Daily Distraction: Might Be Time to Go Full Ron Swanson

News & Politics

(Kruiser’s Permanote Description: This column is intended to be a lighthearted, short-form way to frequently connect with our cherished VIP readers. Sometimes it will be serious. Sometimes it will be fun. Sometimes it will be a cornucopia of intellectual curiosities and fascinations. OK, maybe not so much the last one. Anyway, as this is a departure for me, I’m including this explanation at the top of each post for a while. Also, non-subscribers can see the first couple of paragraphs so I am in desperate need of filler until we get to the private stuff (subscribe here). Please remember that there is a standing invitation to ask me anything in the comments. Once a week, I’ll answer.)

“Give Me All the Bacon and Eggs You Have”

We all have our weird little workplace quirks and personal touches on our desks. I work on an old writing desk that has a lot of shelves for the personal stuff and I’m a bit of a hoarder. I’ve got a bunch of books and notebooks, a crucifix, a gun and, of course, a picture of my daughter. I also have a memento mori skull sitting right next to a bust of Ron Swanson from the show Parks and Recreation that has the above quote on it (my daughter gave it to me for Christmas several years ago). While doing a video hangout with some friends last Saturday we were all surprised to find out that one of the four of us had never watched Parks and Rec. We immediately began describing the Ron Swanson character and he immediately began regretting never having watched it.

I should note that this friend is perhaps the biggest fan of the televised sitcom I’ve ever met, which is why it was so weird that he’d glossed over this one.

Anyway, I began fondly reminiscing about Ron Swanson’s obsession with privacy and not letting the government ruin his life. I remembered a time when I was more like that. Although I’ve always been a semi-public person, I managed to stay fairly private for a long time. Yes, I am often sighted in the wild but once I retreat to my lair I like my privacy. I’ve gotten a little sloppy about that lately.

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I take walks in my neighborhood and post pictures. Never of my house and rarely even of my street, but somebody enterprising could find me. If I’m not careful, I’ll look out my bathroom window one day and some rando will be out there humming Friends In Low Places while his pants are down around his ankles.

Nobody needs that.

It’s time to start channeling Ron Swanson before Ankle Pants shows up. Maybe it’s even time to move again. I hate moving, but I do know some places out in the desert to hole up in when Joe Biden’s zombie apocalypse hits us.

Meanwhile, Parks and Recreation is streaming on NBC’s Peacock service, which is one of the few I still have a free trial available for.

Might be a busy week here.

Here is the legendary “bacon and eggs” clip:

Ask me some embarrassing questions. I really want to answer some this Friday.

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