A transgender person from the land down under burned his johnson, leaving him with more than just a callus on his phallus. I can report that the trans man’s plan to burn his member to embers was beyond successful.
Australian doctors believe the man used chemicals to free his willy and dodge the costs of having it surgically dismembered (see what I did there?).
The doctors’ initial plan was to keep the patient’s business in working order. However, the patient was so successful in his attempts at chemical castration that doctors eventually had to remove what was left.
FACT-O-RAMA! Australia’s national public health insurance does not cover the costs of “junk” removal for transgender patients.
According to a report, which included actual photos of the toasted baguette, the patient came into the hospital seven days after throwing his shrimp on the barbie. Over the course of seven more days, the patient’s entire unwanted appendage turned black with necrosis.
From the report:
On arrival she was assessed to have superficial necrosis of glans and mixed thickness burns to penile shaft with significant oedema and erythema of the penile shaft that began 2cm from the proximal end of her penis with a clear demarcation (Fig. 1). The patient underwent an urgent flexible cystoscopy (FCE), suprapubic catheter (SPC) insertion, and wound debridement. FCE demonstrated urethral erythema but no necrosis, thus conservative management was trialled with gelonet dressing, urinary diversion via SPC and intravenous cefazolin. This approach continued for 7 days however worsening necrosis noted on dressing changes (Fig. 2) and rising inflammatory markers necessitated an emergency penectomy.
Yes, the patient allowed the photos to be taken and used throughout the aforementioned report.
OOPS-O-RAMA! I should have warned you that the pictures are graphic and grotesque.
Doctors concluded that they had to perform a penectomy — stat! — and removed what was left of the smoldering organ. There is also a photo of the patient sans glans. Again, the pics are nasty.
Unfortunately for the patient, doctors typically don’t remove a trans person’s “accessory” when a man wishes to become a woman. They normally slice it and re-form it into a “fauxgina.” It is uncertain how the patient will now receive “women’s plumbing.”
SCIENCE-O-RAMA! “Fauxgina” isn’t a real term. I made it up. Please don’t use it in a serious conversation with your medical friends or they will think you’re a dolt. If you do use it and get busted, feel free to blame me.
Prior to the “fire down below,” the trans patient was taking transition meds to become a woman. The patient moved out to a rural region where the meds were difficult to procure. He then decided to use an unknown chemical to burn his business. The patient left the hospital shortly after his surgery and is said to be recovering well. He will be referred to a clinic for transgender patients.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH-O-RAMA! The report mentions something called “neo meatus” formation, which would have been a simple joke to make, but I decided doing so would make me look like a ding-dong. #ZING!