Anheuser-Busch is selling off eight of its “beloved” brands to a Canadian cannabis company. That’s the big crazy on today’s Insanity Wrap — an entire week’s worth of nuttiness wrapped up in one easy-to-swallow medicated news capsule.
Before we get to today’s big story, here’s a short video to make you lose whatever little faith you might still have in humanity.
How Long Can You Stand to Watch?
This woman brought a personal HEPA filter and a backpack full of extra covid supplies to a concert in 2023. Very brave and risky of her to attend a concert in middle of a deadly pandemic. pic.twitter.com/EILtsciMb3
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) August 8, 2023
In this week’s “How Long Can You Stand to Watch?” challenge, I made it all of 13 seconds before closing the tab with extreme prejudice.
How long did you last?
Speaking of lasting, by now it’s clear that the sane majority of people are just going to hold out long enough for a few million COVID-obsessed crazies to die off — of old age, of course, not the respiratory illness they’re so concerned about.
Your Insanity Wrap Main Feature
Anheuser-Busch Just Sold Several of Its Beer Brands to a Cannabis Giant
A giant in the brewing industry is getting a little smaller.
Hot off of a stock selloff, hits to its sales and bottom line, plus a round of layoffs, Anheuser-Busch is selling eight of its craft beer brands to Canada’s Tilray, best known for producing cannabis.
AB InBev’s American division isn’t about to go bankrupt or anything like that. Belgium-based AB InBev is a massive multinational with more brands than a Texas-size herd of cattle.
Except soon they’ll have eight fewer, including Colorado-based Breckinridge Brewery, which is quite good.
I’m biased, I know.
I’m also reminded of a magazine ad I saw years ago — it must have been in the ’80s — from electronics giant ITT. The ad was headlined with something like, “Why we sold our Twinkies.”
Conglomeration was all the rage in the ’60s and ’70s, with businesses believing they could protect themselves from recession and other market pressures if they made, bought, and sold a little bit of everything. That’s how ITT ended up buying Hostess in the ’70s and making everything from telephones to individually wrapped spongecakes with creamy filling.
Mmm, Twinkies.
But what ITT (and several similar giants) learned was that business expertise was not universal — that a maker of electronic gadgets didn’t know enough about making Ho-Hos or Ding Dongs to make much money at it. So ITT sold off Hostess and a bunch of other divisions, too, and returned focus to their core competency.
Totally True Fact: The Ho-Ho is superior to the Ding Dong due to its even distribution of creamy filling.
There’s such a thing as regional competency, too.
It might be that Belgium doesn’t understand America well enough to do as well with Anheuser-Busch as Anheuser-Busch did when they were still American-owned. But it’s become for damn sure that 21st-century New York City doesn’t understand — or even respect — heartland America enough to market their product to us.
So now here’s AB InBev, selling off eight beloved craft beer brands to a much smaller Canadian firm. The sale will reportedly vault Tilray to America’s fifth-largest craft beer seller, up from ninth place.
Want to know the real irony? The people who run Anheuser-Busch probably like and understand their craft market much better than they do their traditional Anheuser-Busch products like Bud Light and Michelob.
AB InBev hasn’t said whether the sale is due in whole or in part to their sales struggles during this anti-Woke boycott. But they sure weren’t selling off chunks of themselves before the boycott.
What happens next for Anheuser-Busch, nobody can say. If they were smarter, AB InBev would order Anheuser-Busch’s Manhattan marketing department back to St. Louis, where they could resume relations with their core market. And if certain marketing execs refused to make the move, and had to be replaced by heartland talent?
That’s an idea so crazy it might just work.
Previously On Insanity Wrap: Maybe AI Isn’t Evil, It’s Just… Wrong
Before We Continue, Here’s a Short Video to Restore Your Faith in Everything…
no one loves the fun slide as much as this pup
(jukin media) pic.twitter.com/LpYK2HRCKS— theworldofdog (@theworldofdog) August 7, 2023
The only time I’ve seen a dog happier than that pup is when my three see me pulling out a can of the fancy wet food to add to their kibble.
Your Weekly Dose of Mostly Peaceful Protest
Police Investigating Shop Owner Who Took Down Armed Thief With A Stick
On last week’s Insanity Wrap, I showed you the video of that California Sikh 7-11 clerk who took down a shoplifter before the shoplifter could lift pretty much everything in the store.
You will not be shocked to learn that Stockton police have launched an investigation.
No, not into the freelance socialist who was merely trying to redistribute a little wealth, but into the guy who stopped him.
Stop prosecuting the people who stop criminals. Neighboring businesses should pass that hat around for them, instead.
Quote(s) of the Week
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss totally, publicly contradicting and humiliating yourself.
The Craziest Person in the World (This Week)
Check out our Pence Plan ⬇️⬇️⬇️https://t.co/v1PvB3411Q pic.twitter.com/ltVuvCK3El
— Mike Pence (@Mike_Pence) August 8, 2023
You know how you pull into a gas station with your fuel door already open and the gas cap pre-removed, and then have the magical power of getting the pump to work without swiping a credit card, selecting your grade, or squeezing the handle?
Mike Pence does!
This week’s craziest person in the world is whoever on Team Pence watched this video and thought, “Solid gold, baby. Put it on Twitter, STAT!”
Meanwhile, in San Francisco…
Every store is CLOSED on Market St. in San Francisco
If you aren’t familiar with the city, this is like seeing everything boarded up on New York’s Fifth Avenue.
Your VodkaPundit Tweet of the Week
“It’s just the environment and that lying son of a bitch, Trump.” https://t.co/7AJN6PmqPd
— Stephen Green (@VodkaPundit) August 7, 2023
Recommended: Hillary Clinton Wants to Save Me from Loneliness, and Honestly I’d Just Rather Die of It
A quick little something before we get to the closing meme…
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One More Thing…
That’s a Wrap for this week.
Come back next week for another Insanity Wrap…
…assuming we make it that long.
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